{"id":99783,"date":"2018-05-11T09:25:23","date_gmt":"2018-05-11T13:25:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/?p=99783\/"},"modified":"2018-05-11T10:41:39","modified_gmt":"2018-05-11T14:41:39","slug":"motherhood-by-any-means","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/pt-pt\/journal\/motherhood-by-any-means\/","title":{"rendered":"Motherhood by Any Means"},"content":{"rendered":"

Home birth. Epidural. C-sections. Breastfeeding. Infertility. Artificial insemination. Stepparenting. Adoption. Fostering. Multiples.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

There are so many ways to become a mom<\/a>. And for each method, there are a thousand more opinions. Not all of them are so nice and some are awfully intrusive. It\u2019s not unusual to announce the specifics of your journey into parenthood and be met with questions:\u00a0<\/span>You couldn\u2019t breastfeed? That sucks. Are you sure you\u2019re ready for three babies? Doesn\u2019t being a foster parent scare you? You had a c-section? I\u2019m sorry. I’d adopt, but I\u2019d much rather have my own baby. Are you sure you want to be a single parent? Are you sure you want to parent a child who is not biologically yours? A natural birth? Aren\u2019t you scared? Are you sure? Are you sure?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Let me first state that I am not a mom. I am, however, dating a man who has a 2-year-old son and is co-parenting with his ex, so parenting is not an idea I avoid. Motherhood fascinates me. I watch my boyfriend and his ex parent their son. I have several friends who are now carrying their first children and wondering how they will deliver. I have friends struggling with infertility, breastfeeding, and the stigma of single parenting. I know young moms, new moms in their late forties, and everything in between. <\/span><\/p>\n

And so I had a wide range of resources for this piece. I asked moms with myriad stories and opinions to share their experiences; their births, how they coped when the births didn\u2019t go according to plan, their struggles with breastfeeding, the process of adoption, the adventure of foster-parenting, the level of thoughtfulness necessary for a co-parenting situation, and more. <\/span><\/p>\n

Our choices surrounding parenting, birth, and motherhood are too often stigmatized, making the already difficult process of entering parenthood all the more challenging. And how do we break down these generalizations? We listen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI define my transformation.\u201d<\/b><\/h3>\n

Yoga teacher and Wanderlust teacher\u00a0Mary Beth LaRue<\/a>, shared these words with me when I asked her about her journey thus far as a foster parent. Mary Beth and her husband decide to investigate foster parenting after being told it might be difficult for her to conceive the traditional way\u2014so without much of a fight, they decide to grow their family through foster care. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThese past 4.5 months with Baby A, who came to us at seven days old, have changed my entire life,\u201d Mary Beth shares.\u201c<\/span>I didn’t realize my heart could grow this large and love this little babe so unconditionally, especially in the face of so much uncertainty. We have no idea if he will stay with us or not but our job is to love and provide no matter what.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Mary Beth discusses her foray into parenthood on her Instagram<\/a>, and recently posted about the need to end the bias surrounding foster parenting.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThese children are just children,\u201d She writes. \u201cNot \u2018foster\u2019 children. They are kids. Just like all the other children in your life. And they don\u2019t have the tools or resources we do to deal with the trauma they are experiencing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Our choices surrounding parenting, birth, and motherhood are too often stigmatized. How do we break down these generalizations? We listen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brittanie Davis, a mama in Northern Virginia, became a mom at 23 when she decided to take the plunge and adopt a baby in need. The journey was a bit of a rollercoaster; Brittanie tells me that she was working as a property manager when one of her maintenance employees expressed his struggle raising his daughter\u2019s infant\u2014there was simply not enough money, and it would be best for everyone to give the baby up for adoption. Brittanie instantly felt a connection to the child and asked if she could adopt him. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI always wanted to be a mom,\u201d She tells me. \u201cAnd it seemed like the perfect opportunity.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Over the next year, Brittanie underwent foster care training, hired two attorneys, and did everything else she possible could to make sure Baby G was hers. Even after she had been granted legal rights to raise Baby G, she remained in the foster care system, and opened up her doors to children of all ages and lifestyles. A few years later she became pregnant with her second child, a girl, through artificial insemination. Over the past few years, Brittanie has had 9 plus kids living under her roof. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPeople ask me all the time, \u2018you\u2019re really doing it all on your own<\/a>?\u2019 or \u2018why didn\u2019t you wait longer?\u2019\u201d Brittanie tells me. \u201cThey say, \u2018you don\u2019t have a husband? I\u2019m sorry.’ But it’s not a bad thing. It always felt like the right choice.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Intrusion extends beyond adoption and fostering. After trying to get pregnant<\/a> for three years, music teacher Sarah Issa El-Khoury and her partner looked into other options. Part of this journey meant answering a lot of unwanted questions.<\/span><\/p>\n

People ask me if I delivered naturally or if I had a C-section, which makes me think they\u2019re only thinking about my vagina. \u2013\u00a0Sarah Issa El-Khoury<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cPeople would also ask me when we were planning to have kids, which frustrated me to no end. It\u2019s hard to answer without making people uncomfortable,\u201d Sarah describes. \u201cWe ended up doing an IUI, which doesn\u2019t have a very high success rate on the first try. Well, it not only worked, but apparently, the meds I took (progesterone, ovidrel, and clomid) worked wonders, because we found out about the triplets around 8 weeks.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Her pregnancy and delivery were surprisingly easy\u2014though she admits she was on careful watch because of the high risk associated with multiples. Sarah says, \u201cThe only real problem is I\u2019ve ever had during my pregnancy are the strange comments that people make. People ask me if I delivered naturally or if I had a C-section, which makes me think they\u2019re only thinking about my vagina. People ask me how the babies were conceived as well, which I think is so intrusive and no one\u2019s business.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Birth is natural, period.<\/b><\/h3>\n

I once dated a guy who told me that I would be a wimp if If I choose to use an epidural to birth our future (hypothetical) children. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy mom had four kids without one,\u201d He bragged, as if he had done the work himself. \u201cAnd my wife will be strong enough to do the same.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Um, yeah. We are no longer together. But his words illustrated another issue\u2014there are dozens of stigmas<\/a> regarding delivery. Epidural or no epidural? Home birth? Hospital? C-section? I always cringe when folks refer to non-epidural births as \u201cunnatural.\u201d My own mother had me in a hospital, with an epidural (as many mothers do) and really enjoyed my birth. She remembers every detail. And with the exception of an Amazon prime addiction, I feel like I turned out okay. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I spoke with Jenna Loemeier, a mother of two little girls in Michigan whose vision of a seamless birth was disrupted with unexpected health issues. She wasn\u2019t planning on using an epidural, but labored hard, and eventually opted in. The medicine was administered poorly and sent pain down her spine and neck. She was forced into a C-section when, once again, the numbing medicine didn\u2019t work. After labor (baby was a-okay), Jenna was unable to breathe\u2014her lungs were filled with fluid and she\u2019d lost a lot of blood.<\/span><\/p>\n

I always cringe when folks refer to non-epidural births as \u201cunnatural.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cMy body was wrecked,\u201d Jenna says as she reflects on finally being able to hold her child.\u201d I could barely walk and I felt as though it were a miracle that I was breathing. But my angel baby was perfect. She knew me, she drank milk from me, and she was thriving. Knowing that she was healthy and happy is what kept me from falling apart the next year.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite the magic that inevitably came from motherhood, Jenna still questioned her birth journey and analyzed the nitty-gritties, feeling guilty for both the c-section and the epidural. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t pinpoint a certain person or group of people, but I think that belly births aren\u2019t celebrated enough,\u201d Jenna explains. \u201cIt\u2019s not that I don\u2019t feel like a \u2018real mom\u2019 but there is something odd about delivering a baby by surgery from your belly. I\u2019m so tired of hearing about how magnificent women are to birth babies when I was unable to… I don\u2019t want to normalize c-sections, but I don\u2019t want women who have truly needed them to feel left out either. If anyone thinks it\u2019s the easy way out they are way wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

To boob or not to boob<\/h3>\n

Another area that faces a stigma is breastfeeding. The topic is so hot\u2014is it better to use formula or be on the boob? And if you can\u2019t breastfeed, but want to, how does that make a woman feel? I spoke to another Jenna Rae, a new mama<\/a> in Colorado, who decided against breastfeeding because of the multiple medications for PTSD, depression, and anxiety that she was taking\u2014all of which are not recommended for those who breastfeed. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI felt an enormous stigma having to talk to medical professionals about taking medication that wasn\u2019t recommended. I had to choose between keeping my mental health on an even plateau or doing what everyone \u2018assumes\u2019 is the right thing\u2014not take medication, just deal with it, etc.\u201d Jenna explains. \u201cEven now I pack a bottle when we go places but this is a really \u2018liberal\u2019 city.\u2019 You whip that bottle out in the park and you’ll probably get mom-shamed by every mom in a five miles radius of you.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Catie Hatcher, a mama in Southern Virginia, also recently had a baby and opted for breastfeeding and an epidural-free birth. Labor was incredibly difficult for her and she refused epidural several times. Though Catie\u2019s contractions were strong, she wasn\u2019t dilating, and was told to refrain from pushing, which Catie says \u201cwas so mentally and physically difficult.\u201d When her son was finally out, there were massive amounts of meconium in his lungs, and he rushed to the NICU minutes after he was born. She also didn\u2019t get to leave the hospital with her baby\u2014a mental struggle for any new mom. And because her baby was in the NICU, where the babes are fed with bottles, Catie struggled to get her baby to switch to the breast, something she really wanted to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

The advice I give any mother to be that I come across is this: Educate yourself and believe in yourself. No matter the outcome, you are a warrior. \u2013 Jenna Rae<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cWe went to lactation specialists multiple times to get advice,\u201d Catie reveals. \u201cWe used nipple shields which basically offer a larger nipple on top of your nipple to help the infant latch and feed. And we used an option called S&S method where my husband actually had to help. Because my milk had not come in but my baby was extremely hungry\u2014his stomach had expanded quickly\u2014we had to supplement with formula until my milk came in.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI’m lucky to have a partner who cares as much as I do and was able to be around the first two weeks. Breastfeeding<\/a>, while natural, is not always easy,\u201d Catie continues. \u201cAs a new mom, I’ve found that breastfeeding is not talked about enough. There is more support now with lactation specialists, but it is still difficult and can feel very lonely when you feel you can’t feed your child.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe advice I give any mother to be that I come across is this: Educate yourself and believe in yourself,\u201d Jenna from Michigan added. \u201cNo matter the outcome, you are a warrior.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When it comes to motherhood and birth, we find lots of room for judgment<\/a>. What if we swap out the criticism and make way for celebration? Motherhood takes an astounding degree of strength, whether it be birth or the mental capacity to fight off stigmas. <\/span><\/p>\n

This Mother\u2019s Day (and every day, really), let\u2019s remove the filters, the stigmas, and the judgment and focus on the common thread in every venture into parenthood: love, and it\u2019s ability to always deliver.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

\"\"Amanda Kohr is the editor at Wanderlust. You can find her exploring new highways, drinking diner coffee, and on\u00a0Instagram<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Taking the filter out of your journey into parenthood. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":99786,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1057],"tags":[3164,160,1236,803,1985,3165],"class_list":["post-99783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wisdom","tag-birth","tag-motherhood","tag-pregnancy","tag-wisdom","tag-woman","tag-womanhood"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWanderlust<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/journal\/motherhood-by-any-means\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"pt_PT\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Taking the filter out of your journey into parenthood.\" 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