\u201cJoy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.\u201d <\/i>\u2013 Marianne Williamson<\/i><\/p>\n
We hear a lot about \u201cpositive self-talk,\u201d but what exactly does that mean? Is it as simple as rephrasing the way you have conversations in your brain? According to psychologists, that\u2019s the place to start.<\/p>\n
Consider the messages that typically run through your brain. Are you sending yourself encouraging thoughts, are you being critical of your choices? If you\u2019re like most Americans, it\u2019s likely the former. According to Psychology Today<\/a>, many of us developed a negative pattern of self-talk at an early age, mentally latching on to the hurtful things we were told as children by our parents, siblings, classmates, and teachers. Whether or not we realize it, these thoughts have knit themselves into our brains, and often replay themselves over and over, launching us into feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness. It\u2019s negative self-talk.<\/p>\n Much of self-talk has to do with perspective. When we have negative thoughts, we\u2019re operating from the perspective that things look bleak, or hopeless. Optimists tend to distance themselves from negative events and embrace positive thinking, while pessimists are more inclined to dwell in upsetting thoughts. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, <\/i>states that while \u201cthere is a genetic component to pessimism, it\u2019s not 100%.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n Meaning, we do have some control over our outlook on the world. It\u2019s by no means easy; positive self-talk can be incredibly difficult, especially if your mind is accustomed to those negative thoughts. These can reveal themselves when you\u2019re working on a project, starting a new relationship, or preparing for an event. You may think, \u201cWell, what\u2019s the point?\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s likely I\u2019ll fail at this.\u201d<\/p>\n Negative thoughts can affect how we view the past as well. Perhaps you\u2019ve just come back from a party and are criticizing yourself for how you spoke and acted, when in reality you were totally fine. The problem is that you\u2019re allowing your brain to blow things out of proportion. And when we give attention to those negative thoughts, we allow them to multiply. The toxicity multiples, and we\u2019re crying on the floor of the bathroom wondering what we can do to salvage a situation. It\u2019s exhausting. <\/i>
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