Photo by Priscilla Du Preez
We often drag out dating because we're afraid to hurt the other person's feelings—or we go the opposite route and just ghost someone. Neither is necessarily mindful. Here's how to let a potential partner go. If you’ve been dating mindfully for a while, you know when something feels like it fits versus when it feels forced. Dating, in general, is the process of uncovering if a certain partner’s magic feels right for you, and then seeing if that aligns for the long haul. This can stir up anxiety and dis-ease because it requires a release of control around knowing the outcome. And, if you are sensitive to other people’s feelings, you may also feel a bit of pressure to show up a particular way for a potential partner.
Applying Mindfulness to DatingMindfulness is about evoking presence and intentionality in our actions. When we apply the same thought process to dating, breaking up and moving on happens from a real space of compassion. It may not make it easier initially, but over time it will help you and the other person move on more quickly and find relationships that serve your individual truths.
Dating is the process of uncovering if a partner’s magic feels right for you, and then seeing if that aligns for the long haul.In order to confidently and mindfully end a relationship, you must first examine your true reasons for wanting it to be over. How do you tell the difference between genuine lack of interest and running from intensity and fear? You tap into your core desire, by really examining how you feel. What is being pulled up for you in this relationship? Is the person ticking off all the boxes and yet you feel a lack of excitement? Perhaps it is worth exploring if this is a pattern for you. If in past relationships you found ease and alignment triggering, inspiring fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop, for example, this may be worth sticking it through. They may still not be “your person,” but rather a truly valuable mirror for you, through which you can examine old patterns.
Recognize How Not to Compromise Your TruthPerhaps this person is kind, funny, and wonderful, but you disagree on some very important personal issues that would impact your future as a pair. Again, you ask yourself what it is you really want. Are you compromising your truth in favor of this relationship? Could you see yourself continuing to make that compromise years down the line without resentment? By answering these questions honestly, you will have a solid answer about what your genuine level of interest is in this person, irregardless of their other beautiful qualities.
Ask yourself what it is you really wantWhatever your reasoning is, once you have a clear no (after some mindful consideration) it is in your and your partner’s absolute best interest to end the relationship in a compassionate way (meaning, without haste). Unnecessarily dragging out an inevitable break up will cause you emotional distress, and give the other person unrealistic expectations. If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know the unique sting of that inconsiderate blow. This is why, as mindfully as you worked out why the relationship is not a match, you bring that same level of awareness to what you do with that information.