{"id":104466,"date":"2018-08-09T17:37:01","date_gmt":"2018-08-09T21:37:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/?p=104466\/"},"modified":"2020-01-14T13:20:10","modified_gmt":"2020-01-14T18:20:10","slug":"glennon-doyle-how-to-trash-those-toxic-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/ja\/journal\/glennon-doyle-how-to-trash-those-toxic-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Glennon Doyle: You Have the Power to End Toxic Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"p1\"><em>Glennon Doyle is one of the headliners you can learn from at Wellspring this October.\u00a0<\/em><em>For tickets and more information,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/wellspring\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">click here<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/wellspring-industry-professionals-discount\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Wellness industry professional discounts<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/scholarship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">scholarships<\/a>\u00a0available!<\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You eat food grown or raised responsibly. You\u2019re conscious about the cleaning products you use in your home, and you\u2019re aware of what the labels on your clothing mean. You\u2019re so conscious, in fact, about your daily decisions, that there seem to be very few areas in your life where toxicity seeps in. But, of course, the last frontier of evolution is invariably that which is closest to home. When it comes to removing the bad stuff from our lives, we tend to look externally, rather than turning inward and address the patterns, behaviors, or relationships that can be as toxic to the soul as factory-farmed meat, <a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/journal\/mean-say-clean-beauty\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">parabens<\/a>, or child labor are to the world as a whole. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I should know. To get real personal here: I\u2019m in the midst of a social revolution in my own private world, spurred by the realization that the community I thought was my community isn\u2019t as radically inclusive or radically accepting as they purport to be. I sincerely accept the personal responsibility I bear for the breach in friendship\u2014but the cowardice and lack of empathy I\u2019ve experienced from those I held dear for a decade points to a painful truth: <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They were, perhaps, toxic relationships all along<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Recovering from that loss will be a long journey\u2014and it\u2019s a journey I must undergo alone. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does it mean to remove toxicity from our lives? What can we do to spiritually protect ourselves from unhealthy relationships, in all sense of the word? Bestselling author, Founder\/President of Together Rising, and self-proclaimed Love Warrior <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/artist\/glennon-doyle\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Glennon Doyle<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has some ideas. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Recognize what\u2019s a toxic relationship.<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cFor me,\u201d says Glennon, \u201ca healthy friendship is one in which we are never earning each other\u2019s loyalty or proving our friendship to each other.\u201d She believes that there can be freedom in friendship\u2014and she sticks toward relationships that give her that feeling. What defines that freedom is different for every person, but there are some basics. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThere is no striving, no guilt, no trying, even,\u201d says Glennon. When there\u2019s freedom in the relationship\u2014however you define that to be\u2014she says we are then \u201cable to feel fiercely devoted to that friend\u2019s heart.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conversely, we may hold on to relationships or friendships that no longer serve us simply because we consider them a close friend. \u201cSeveral different women have come to me with this problem: \u2018I have a really good friend who makes me feel like crap all the time.\u2019 To that I say: No, you do not have a really good friend who makes you feel like crap all the time. Because a good friend does not make you feel like crap,\u201d says Glennon.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her strategy for <a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/journal\/compassionate-goodbyes-to-toxic-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">toxic friendship<\/a>: \u201cBless and Release.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>You are your own healer.<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Glennon, toxic relationships are so difficult to let go because we get stuck in a holding pattern of waiting for the person to hurt us to absolve us of the pain they\u2019ve caused, rather than looking within to find that absolution. Simply put: The person who hurt you isn\u2019t going to be able to be the person that heals you. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWe are so intent on getting healed by those who hurt us that we wait in the pain,\u201d she says. \u201cBut the thing is that we will die waiting.\u201d Glennon says that it is our personal life\u2019s work to heal ourselves\u2014to release ourselves from the pain that we\u2019ve been caused\u2014not that of the person who hurt us. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Liken it to someone who eats fast food for every meal. There\u2019s no doubt that the unhealthy ingredients in that supersize meal contribute to the poor health of the person, but it\u2019s not the fault of the supersize meal. It\u2019s the responsibility of the person who eats that every day to change her behavior. The same can be said of relationships. \u201cIt can be hard, but it is simple,\u201d says Glennon. \u201cIf you don\u2019t want to keep getting wet, <a href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/journal\/how-yoga-healed-my-heart\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">close the window<\/a>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Set your boundaries.<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Glennon says there are four great loves in her life: Her wife, her children, her sisters, and her boundaries. \u201cI love humanity,\u201d she says, \u201cbut actual human beings are hard for me.\u201d To get around this, Glennon sets boundaries in her relationships, and sticks with them. If someone is continuously driving her nuts, she gently allows that person to drift out her life. Why continue with a relationship that\u2019s not satisfying? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cSome relationships feel too heavy because we\u2019re meant to gently put them down and carry on,\u201d she says. \u201cGentle goodbyes can be acts of great courage and kindness. Holding an unhealthy relationship close is not love or being a good friend. Keeping her close and hating her isn\u2019t kind. Sometimes kind is a gentle goodbye, for now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That doesn\u2019t have to be forever. You can release friendships when they no longer serve you\u2014but with the compassion and empathy to allow that person back into your life if they show that they, too, have accepted the responsibility of their actions, and have done the work to make big change. Part of living mindfully is not just to recognize that which no longer serves you, but to recognize when you can be of service to others. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/randy-kamen-gredinger-edd\/forgiveness_b_2006882.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Forgiveness<\/a> is a powerful vehicle for spiritual growth. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Trust your gut.<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to recognizing toxic relationships, the best tool we have is our inner voice. \u201cI believe you can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/are-you-persuadable\/201711\/when-should-you-trust-your-gut-heres-what-the-science-says\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">trust your gut<\/a> with almost everything,\u201d says Glennon. Women, in particular, she says, are taught to ignore than inner voice\u2014to silence our intuition\u2014and instead put the happiness and the needs of others above our own. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThe more our inner whispers fade from disuse,\u201d Glennon says, \u201cthe more our bodies speak up, trying to get our attention. We get tired. We get sick. We can&#8217;t sleep. And we ignore these voices, too. If you refuse to listen to anybody long enough, she&#8217;ll stop speaking. Which is why one day we realize we have lost our way.\u201d The antidote to this? Get quiet to hear\u2014and to trust\u2014your own voice. Glennon says this voice will speak to us about all parts of our lives, including friendships. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The final word on removing toxicity from your life? \u201cPractice being, to yourself, the kind of friend you need others to be for you. Speak to yourself with kindness, courage, and respect. Offer yourself grace. Delight in you. Listen very carefully to yourself.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019ve had the answers all along. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lisetteileen.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-101235\" src=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/lisette.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"250\" \/>Lisette Cheresson<\/a>\u00a0is a writer, storyteller, yoga teacher, and adventuress\u00a0who is an avid vagabond, homechef, dirt-collector, and dreamer.\u00a0<\/em><em>When she\u2019s not playing with words, it\u2019s a safe bet that she\u2019s either hopping a plane, dancing, cooking, or hiking. She rec<span class=\"text_exposed_show\">eived her Level II Reiki Attunement and attended a 4-day intensive discourse with the Dalai Lama in India, and received her RYT200 in Brooklyn.\u00a0<\/span>She is currently the Director of Content at Wanderlust Festival. You can find her on Instagram\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lisetteileen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">@lisetteileen<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love Warrior Glennon Doyle shares her advice on how to recognize and shed relationships that no longer serve you. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2881,"featured_media":104529,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3189],"tags":[1346,3173,966,3320,3098],"class_list":["post-104466","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reach","tag-friendship","tag-glennon-doyle","tag-self-care","tag-toxic-relationships","tag-wellspring"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v18.0 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ 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