{"id":47589,"date":"2016-03-02T09:05:04","date_gmt":"2016-03-02T14:05:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wanderlust.com\/?p=47589"},"modified":"2016-03-02T11:08:44","modified_gmt":"2016-03-02T16:08:44","slug":"finding-friendship-in-adulthood-stay-open-to-the-possibilities","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/it\/journal\/finding-friendship-in-adulthood-stay-open-to-the-possibilities\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secret to Finding Friendship in Adulthood"},"content":{"rendered":"

As human beings, we\u2019ve spent a large chunk of our lives being thrown together with people our own age: school, organized play groups, summer camp…<\/p>\n

And to be fair, when you\u2019re on the younger side of the spectrum, that\u2019s really the only criteria<\/a> we look for in a friend: Being roughly the same height vs. neighborhood proximity and boom, suddenly you have a BFF. And sometimes these are people you maintain relationships with throughout your adult life.<\/p>\n

More likely, however, is that you\u2019ve grown up, realized your differences, went to separates schools, moved to new cities and now only follow each other’s\u00a0lives through a string of periodic Facebook updates. It\u2019s not a falling out more than it is just the natural progression of things. Time moves on, so do we.<\/p>\n

But as it turns out, friendship in adulthood doesn’t really pan out all that differently.\u00a0As adults our endeavors at friendship can be slightly\u00a0more strategic, more immediately based on deeper things we have in common and rejected by what we do not. We\u2019re pickier, I guess, but we still rely on proximity and common experience<\/a> to bring us together even if we don’t realize it. The point of friendship becomes\u00a0less about climbing trees and skipping rocks (that’s what you did as kids, too, right?) and becomes more about seeking\u00a0company you enjoy that also challenges you and encourages you to be your best. It’s about finding someone who doesn\u2019t mind that you\u2019re weird<\/a> or, in the best cases, brings out the most winning\u00a0parts of your weirdness. Maybe you met at your current workplace or a previous one. Maybe you met in college when you both had to get away from your roommates. You might have even crossed paths at a party or a gathering or a meetup.<\/p>\n

But what if you didn\u2019t?<\/p>\n

Even though we\u2019re constantly surrounded by other people, what stops us from\u00a0approaching\u00a0each other in the same carefree way that\u00a0we did\u00a0when we were kids?<\/p>\n

Having recently moved to a new part of the country, I gave up the nearness<\/a> of some very dear friends. These people have changed, and continue to change,\u00a0my life. It was so hard. I really wanted to be sure that they knew how much they meant to me, that it wasn’t an easy choice to make, and that seeing them less was part of the reason this move was\u00a0so difficult.\u00a0I still talk to them all the time, sure. And we\u2019re planning (and have already had!) what I’m positive will be some really wonderful visits. I\u2019m determined to stay connected in big ways and small. And while there are still some things that can get in the way like time zone differences or the price of airfare,\u00a0I refuse to believe that I have to completely start over. I already have some really fantastic friends\u2014so why do I have to find more?<\/p>\n

Of course, there\u2019s the obvious\u00a0fact that I\u2019d like to form some new friendships where I am now so that I can be present in this place, in this new phase of my life. And I\u2019ve gotten a lot of advice on how to make that happen. I\u2019ve even been lucky enough to meet a few people through mutual friends and reconnect with people I used to know. But when I\u2019m just making small talk with the barista behind the counter or the cashier at Whole Foods, I don\u2019t know how to take it from \u201cHey, cool glasses\u201d to \u201cLet\u2019s be best friends\u201d without seeming like a huge, awkward weirdo.<\/p>\n

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.” \u2013 Bren\u00e9 Brown<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Isn\u2019t that sort of strange? We\u2019ve been instructed by society and older siblings and hit comedies on how to suavely approach someone to share our\u00a0romantic interest in them. But we\u2019ve never been really told how to bridge the gap from polite smiles, to acquaintances, to friends. Shouldn\u2019t asking someone out on a date be the more challenging option between the two? Maybe I\u2019m overthinking this, but for some reason I\u2019m really worried<\/a> that anyone I try to bond with is either going to think that I\u2019m hitting on them or that I\u2019m rapidly losing my marbles.<\/p>\n

So in case any of you, like me, are wondering why there isn\u2019t a way to meet people that doesn\u2019t feel oddly like online dating\u00a0or are hopeful that someone will catch your lonely-but-not-desperate vibe without you having to voice it, maybe we just go for it<\/a>. Why not, right? I mean, maybe the first time don\u2019t try it out on someone you\u2019re certain you\u2019ll have to see again, just in case if doesn\u2019t go well. But the next time a seemingly nice person tells you, \u201cGirl, those shoes are cute,\u201d when you\u2019re reading the nutrition facts on a box of cereal, you say something like:\u00a0\u201cThanks! Want to hang out?\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe you insert a few things in between shoes and hanging out or maybe you don\u2019t. This is kind of uncharted territory for me and probably everyone, so I think the rules are pretty flexible. It\u2019s probably going to be uncomfortable. I admit that approaching friendship or simple connection this way feels a little strange, even though\u00a0some of my best relationships<\/a> have happened in the realm of spontaneity, forced weirdness, or unexpected circumstance: My first friend (think preschool era) befriended me by silently tapping me on the shoulder to offer me half of a Fruit Roll-up that he\u2019d torn in half and then not speaking to me again until middle school. My best friendship in college began after I aggressively bombarded a conversation I was not in because\u00a0I overheard him talking about my favorite band. My closest friendship in New Jersey was born when she eyed me suspiciously my first day on the job and asked, \u201cSo, what do you do?\u201d as if the hat and the apron didn\u2019t make that fundamentally clear.<\/p>\n

Still, let\u2019s try this together. Whether your circle of friends is ever expanding, you\u2019re hoping to forge some new relationships, or you just want to know the people of your community a little better, I believe there\u2019s a lot that can change if we just look up at each other, linger a little, and let the situation feel a little weird. Start with something easy, like “Hey.” Admit that you’re nervous, even if that’s already obvious. Take the pressure off. Make simple plans. Stay open. Just think about how what happens\u00a0next could change your life, even if it only becomes a lesson in putting yourself out there<\/a>. Plus, it would make a really great\/cute\/funny answer to \u201cSo how did you two become friends?\u201d<\/p>\n

This piece was originally written by\u00a0Helen Williams<\/a>\u00a0for Holstee.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

\"holstee_logo_2\"<\/a>Originally posted on\u00a0Holstee\u2019s Mindful Matter<\/a>, the best place to read stories and tips on how to live life fully.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Making friends as an adult isn’t easy, but what if we accepted the awkwardness and made connections like when we were kids?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1619,"featured_media":47595,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1056],"tags":[875,1346,912,1425],"class_list":["post-47589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-vitality","tag-advice","tag-friendship","tag-relationships","tag-vulnerable"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Secret to Finding Friendship in Adulthood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Making friends as an adult isn't easy, but what if we accepted the awkwardness and made connections like when we were kids?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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