{"id":99051,"date":"2018-04-24T18:45:14","date_gmt":"2018-04-24T22:45:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/?p=99051\/"},"modified":"2018-04-24T18:45:14","modified_gmt":"2018-04-24T22:45:14","slug":"yes-girls-guide-setting-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/fr\/journal\/yes-girls-guide-setting-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"The \u00ab\u00a0Yes Girl’s\u00a0\u00bb Guide to Setting Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"

Practice with Mary Beth LaRue at a Wanderlust event this summer. Click here<\/a> for Festival lineup and locations, or here<\/a> for the Wanderlust 108 schedule. Can’t make it? Practice with her right in your home on Wanderlust TV<\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n

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To protect my energy it’s ok to change my mind.
\nTo protect my energy it’s ok to cancel a commitment.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to take a day off.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to not answer that call.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to not share myself.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to do nothing.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to be alone.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to speak up.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to move on.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to let go.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to change.
\nTo protect my energy it’s okay to say no.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Boundaries have been my biggest work in the past year. This might be due to my upbringing; my sweet parents will do absolutely anything for anyone\u00a0and<\/em> I was raised in the Midwest, where politeness reigns above all. The word \u00ab\u00a0no\u00a0\u00bb was not a word that was in my vocabulary up until my thirties. For years, I often looked at my calendar only to find that it was packed with so many obligations and \u00ab\u00a0get to know you\u00a0\u00bb coffee dates that there was almost no space for \u00ab\u00a0me\u00a0\u00bb anywhere.
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\nI think in some ways my \u00ab\u00a0unconditional yes\u00a0\u00bb<\/a> started as a survival mechanism when I was a kid. If I was always accommodating, always helpful, always available then people would like me… Right?<\/em> Wanting too much or being too much myself might rub people the wrong way. (Spoiler alert: It does and it’s amazing.) So I stopped doing that. I did what I was asked, showed up when I was needed, and was who I thought people needed me to be. Screw my own needs and expectations!<\/p>\n

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I met Jess, the founder of the Folk Rebellion<\/a> movement, soon after I turned 30, and I was floored by how she spoke about her boundaries, her schedule, her email inbox. She was the boss, and she was in control of what she could be. Lucky for me, she’s become one of my best friends and someone that I look up to like a sister. One of her secrets was saying no.<\/p>\n

In my mind saying no to things you didn’t want to do was a revolutionary, rebellious act. And the idea of using \u2018no\u2019 was terrifying. Today I use the word \u00ab\u00a0no\u00a0\u00bb quite a bit, mostly from a loving, confident space. It took time and baby steps and practice, and it has been so<\/em> worth it. As Danielle LaPorte<\/a> says, \u00ab\u00a0Open, gentle heart. Big fucking fence.\u00a0This isn\u2019t ‘wrong.’ This is loving. For yourself, to others, for the world.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n