{"id":107426,"date":"2018-09-19T16:08:25","date_gmt":"2018-09-19T20:08:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/?p=107426\/"},"modified":"2020-01-14T13:12:37","modified_gmt":"2020-01-14T18:12:37","slug":"moving-past-toxic-masculinity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/fr\/journal\/moving-past-toxic-masculinity\/","title":{"rendered":"Moving Past Toxic Masculinity"},"content":{"rendered":"

Michael James Wong, yogi, teacher, meditation leader, author, and founder of Boys of Yoga<\/a> has had just a bit of experience working to shatter gender stereotypes<\/a>. It\u2019s no secret that the idea of gender\u2014and how traditional roles have been assigned and adhered to\u2014is in the midst of a revolution. It\u2019s been just about a year since #MeToo went viral, and 23 years since R.W. Connell published her seminal discourse on masculinity, which first coined the idea of \u201ctoxic masculinity.\u201d Behavior once excused with \u201cboys will be boys\u201d platitudes is no longer accepted, and expectations for \u201cmale\u201d and \u201cfemale\u201d are undoubtedly shifting. Michael James<\/a> believes that the practice of yoga\u2014the personal quest for societal acceptance that we are all one, that no being is free until all beings are free\u2014can play a prominent role in helping us unravel lifetimes of these detrimental social constructs. <\/span><\/p>\n

We asked MJ to share with us his thoughts on the idea of toxic masculinity, #MeToo allegations within the wellness community, and how yoga can help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Wanderlust (WL): <\/strong>How would you define \u00ab\u00a0toxic masculinity\u00a0\u00bb? What are some of the characteristics, and how can you identify it?<\/p>\n

Michael James (MJ):<\/strong> For me, toxic masculinity<\/a> is something that has no place in our society. It is a disconnect between who we truly are as human beings: Equal, connected, loving and unified; mutated into misguided and antiquated ideologies and social ingrains driven by ego and false perceptions of gender relationships. The basic idea of toxic masculinity is that there is a separation and hierarchy between genders, and that men have a role, right, and status that is above women. This is not true, but it is believed at a societal level. It becomes toxic when these false social pretenses are challenged or threatened, creating reactive outbursts in order to remain or attain the ego-centricity of this idea. Toxic masculinity often shows itself in the form of physical violence or verbal abuse, but can also arise in subtle conversations, gender stereotypes, and everyday social degradation\u2014all of which are disrespectful and counter-productive to our connectedness and evolution as humankind.<\/p>\n

WL: <\/strong>But it’s 2019. It seems so outdated to adhere to traditional conceptions of\u2028 gender and gender roles. Why do you think they stick? Why do we have such a\u2028tough time moving past these stereotypes?<\/p>\n

MJ:\u00a0<\/strong>Like it or not, we are all creatures of comfort and familiarity. We learn from the past and often carry with us our social upbringing into our adult lives. It\u2019s only been in recent decades that we\u2019ve started to wake up to our misguided misappropriations of the past and move forward\u2014and away\u2014from the the hierarchal structure that was so readily accepted as the norm. Many families, much like mine, many schools, much like mine, many social structures\u2014even the most progressive ones like the one I was raised in in Santa Monica, California!\u2014were structured as patriarchal. Add on the proliferation through the media and mainstream culture, we were indoctrinated to an ideology that idealized men in a dominant gender<\/a> role. But the time is now. Things are changing rapidly and I believe our society is in a place where we are all ready to move forward together. It won\u2019t happen overnight, there is a lot of work to be done, or un-done, but many first steps have been taken.<\/p>\n

I believe our society is in a place where we are all ready to move forward together. It won\u2019t happen overnight, but many first steps have been taken.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s been a beautiful journey to watch as the world wakes up to the recognition that gender roles are no longer relevant in the esoteric standard. Like all stereotypes, toxic masculinity come from a place of the past, old traditions passed on, old habits accepted in a modern context. And as men we have a responsibly to be understand that we are human first, men second. And that in this acknowledge, we are first and foremost equal to all others<\/a>, no better, no worse.<\/p>\n

WL:\u00a0<\/strong>What role can yoga\u2014or any mindfulness practice\u2014play in helping to overcome\u2028tendency toward toxic behavior?<\/p>\n

MJ:\u00a0<\/strong>The role of yoga, mindfulness practice, and meditation are very simple: to expand our awareness to the life and choices we are making and experiencing; to become more in-tune with what is real and relevant to living life with love and kindness to ourselves and each other. Toxic behaviors have no place in any form, and the more we become aware of the moments when toxic tendencies occur in thought or action, we start to enable everyone to work toward moving forward as humans, rather than allowing the esoteric upkeep of being \u2018a man.’<\/p>\n

WL:\u00a0<\/strong>Let’s be real: It’s not as if the wellness world has been immune from\u2028#MeToo. Can a person be mindful and still participate or engage in this\u2028kind of toxic behavior?<\/p>\n

MJ:\u00a0<\/strong>We are human, and in acknowledging so we must accept that we are not perfect, and at times our actions don\u2019t match our best intentions<\/a>. I believe that to live mindfully is to continue to curate an approach to life that is considerate to all, compassion to ourselves, and to each other. Throughout our life we will take many steps backwards, but we must always keep our focus on the steps that move us forward.<\/p>\n

The more we become aware of the moments when toxic tendencies occur in thought or action, we start to enable everyone to work toward moving forward as humans.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

WL: <\/strong>But at what cost? Because the wellness community is so often touted as a\u2028\u00a0\u00bbsafe space,\u00a0\u00bb is there additional detriment when toxic masculinity is \u2028displayed in this world?<\/p>\n

MJ:\u00a0<\/strong>The wellness community is a space that is should never been held to a different regard when there is ego-centric behavior that is disrespectful, harmful or patronizing to women, or men. These characteristic or actions displayed within our community are not welcomed in any form, and while often the space is touted as \u2018safe and sacred\u2019, it\u2019s only as strong and supported by those of us within it to keep it that way.<\/p>\n

WL:\u00a0<\/strong>\u2028At least one very high-profile #MeToo story in the\u2028 wellness world was perpetrated by a woman. Does the behavior have to be\u2028perpetrated by a man for it to be toxic masculinity?<\/p>\n

MJ:\u00a0<\/strong>I think we spend a lot of time in society and modern culture trying to define too much. Toxic masculinity is a defined term that identifies gender inequality and irresponsible actions that come of it. In believing that we are all equal, none of us better\u2014or worse\u2014than anyone else. We need to move away from the labels and definition of whether or not it\u2019s \u00ab\u00a0toxic masculinity,\u00a0\u00bb and spend our time moving forward away from any<\/span> form of violence, degradation or separation in gender, society, and culture. We must move towards a culture of respect and support<\/a>.<\/p>\n

WL:\u00a0<\/strong>Have you witnessed\u2014in yourself or others\u2014tendencies of unmindful behavior \u2028that were overcome through a dedicated practice?<\/p>\n

MJ:\u00a0<\/strong>Throughout my life I\u2019ve had moments where I’ve had thoughts and actions that I\u2019m not proud of, but I\u2019m also not imprisoned by them. I\u2019m a work in progress like everyone else. Social upbringing has left triggers to assert gender (male) dominance deeply ingrained within many men, but through the practices of meditation and yoga\u2014and in conversation with peers, friends, teachers, men and women alike\u2014I\u2019m working to allow the past dictate any thoughts and action of the present, and future.<\/p>\n

In my life today, it\u2019s rare to see noticeable toxic actions, but it\u2019s the subtleties of thoughts, perceptions or \u2018defaults\u2019 that continue to be dissolved. In yoga and meditation, practice never makes perfect, but provides an opportunity to be acutely aware, and in these moments, release negativity in thought and create kindness in action. The ego has no place in it.\u00a0Speaking from personal experience\u2014and seeing it in my students and peers\u2014I\u2019ve seen many men take to the mat and meditation practice and learn to let go of the need for the ego to be fed, and stereotypes to be sustained and move forward, one day at a time, better than the day before.<\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

\"\"Michael James Wong<\/a>\u00a0is a Global Yogi, Founder of\u00a0BOYS OF YOGA<\/a>\u00a0& JUST BREATHE<\/a> and the recent author of\u00a0<\/em>Sit Down, Be Quiet, a modern guide to yoga and living mindfully in the real world. Michael is recognized around the world as a leading voice in the global wellness movement for yoga, meditation & modern mindfulness. Michael\u2019s passion is to inspire the masses about the benefits of a mindful way of living on and off the yoga mat, every single day. Born in New Zealand, raised on the beaches of Los Angeles and now London-based, Michael travels the world as a keynote speaker, yoga teacher, and meditation guide bringing the benefits of modern mindfulness into the real world. Michael\u2019s relationship with wellness spans over the past decade and half & his work is heavily influenced by some of the most inspiring modern teachers, spiritual leaders & global influencers around the world. Follow him:\u00a0<\/em>@michaeljameswong\u00a0and @justbreatheproject @boysofyoga<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There’s nothing mindful about toxic masculinity. How can a yoga practice help? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2881,"featured_media":107440,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3189],"tags":[3471,1735,3470,1811],"class_list":["post-107426","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reach","tag-metoo","tag-gender","tag-michael-james-wong","tag-sexuality"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWanderlust<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wanderlust.com\/journal\/moving-past-toxic-masculinity\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There's nothing mindful about toxic masculinity. 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